Walk in the way of love

Ephesians 5:1-7 (TNIV) -

1 Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children

2 and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
3 But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for the Lord’s people.4 Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.5 For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a person is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient.

7 Therefore do not be partners with them.

My thoughts -

We just went over how are lives are supposed to look different. If you've been set free from your slavery to sin then it shouldn't be that big a shock to see Paul write that we shouldn't continue to wallow in it. Let's go over what he's saying here.

What does Paul mean when he says "not even a hint of sexual immorality"? Sexual immorality is something that we think we understand but I wonder. As a straight married man my role here seems pretty easy. I'm not supposed to have sex with anyone who isn't my wife. I say that's easy and yet many people struggle with this, even Christians. A pastor at a church here in Lexington even recently left his church after confessing to an affair. Obviously that's more than just a hint. Clearly we're not supposed to do that.

But what about unmarried monogamous couples? What about monogamous gay couples? And even with straight, married couples, does "anything go" as long as it's just between the two of them. We have, culturally, an obsession with sex that deals with it as an alluring taboo. We're fascinated with it but don't want to talk about it. As such there's not a lot of clarity in our sexual ethic, and it doesn't address our lives as we live them. As a straight, married man I am lucky in this. I have sex with my wife and only my wife and there's nothing else I have to worry about. The morality of this sexual relationship is pretty clear.

Greed is a big one. Are we greedy? Obviously we shouldn't be. But what exactly does Paul mean when he says "greed"? And what does he mean in throwing that in with sexual immorality and impurity? Was this intentional? Was it incidental? Are these all related? Is it just that they're "improper"? How so? Clearly no one who is a greedy, selfish, adulterous drunkard would be a good religious or moral example to follow. But when Paul says these things how far is he going and how connected are they?

These previous statements have been pretty easy for me. It's not too demanding to declare that a sober, straight married man with very little ambition not be sexually deviant "impure" greedy person. What I understand those things to be and what Paul means by them may be quite different but I steer pretty clear of a lot of things that way. They're just not who I am. This next verse may be an issue:

Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.

First off, what does Paul mean by "obscenity"? You see, I have what my wife calls a "potty mouth". I enjoy profanities. I use them like an artist uses paint. I can conjugate them in creative ways that might make a pirate blush. And as for "foolish talk", well... That's a pretty ambiguous statement. I have been known to make an asinine or inane comment or two in my day. And coarse joking? Again, I don't really know what that means. "Coarse" to one person may not be coarse to another. Whose definition carries the day?

Honestly I can't read this passage without feeling completely lost and confused. There are way more questions than answers. I need specifics. I need clarity. And then, amidst all of my confusion already, Paul throws this in:

Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient. Therefore do not be partners with them.

What does Paul mean by "empty words"? Are these lies? Are they promises that are made to be broken? Is this something like false gospel he railed against to the Corinthians?

And what does Paul mean by "do not be partners with them"? In my first reading of this passage I thought that this line just seemed harsh. I lumped this verse in with all of the previous ones and got from it essentially that we shouldn't hang out with "sinners". Obviously this message didn't sit too well against the example of the life of Christ. And then I wondered two things. The first, what if this is a separate claim? I'm leaning towards empty words being less the garden variety lies and untruths that many people tell and more towards a false gospel. Paul seems very concerned in his letters to his churches that they not be taken in by false teachings. It seems in line with the Paul who I've been reading that this would be a big enough concern of his to address in this way. It gets it's own statement set aside from the others on sin. This false gospel is a big deal.

The second thing I wondered is what we mean by "partner". A partner is not just a friend or an acquaintance. A partner has an equal say in all matters in a relationship. Whether Paul means these "empty words" as a false gospel or just untruths and broken promises you wouldn't want to make someone who disregards the truth to have an equal say in your relationship or to be in a position to speak for you.

As for all of my other questions about this passage, as they say, the devil's in the details. I wish I had some great insight into this. I wish I had some great insight into a lot of the Bible. I'm trying, but there's so much I don't know. There's so many different opinions by people who do claim to know. It seems a cop out to say that no one can fully know and to stop wondering, to stop seeking, to stop asking questions, and to stop trying to understand. So I'm trudging through and praying for God's word to penetrate my confusion and to light my path.

As I meditate on this more I keep coming back to verses one and two:

Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

This is what we're called to do. The rest is just the details. How am I offering myself as a sacrifice to God? How am I walking in the way of love? If profanity is really an issue I can stop using it. If my mouth is a stumbling block to others I can clean it up. If my joking is in bad taste and puts people off I can adjust. Whatever I'm doing that I shouldn't be doing I can stop. Not because of some arbitrary rule but because I love others and do not wish to cause them harm.

I don't have all of the answers. Sometimes I think it would be easier to just live "under the law" with a comprehensive list of dos and don'ts that was clear and inarguable. But we don't. We are free to live under the "law of love". As I learn more about God, what God's will is, what God wants from me, and how my actions affect others my behavior can change to be situationally appropriate. Not because I'm "not allowed" to do that but because I love God and I love others and I don't wish to do anything that causes suffering for others.