Whoever aspires to be an overseer...

1 Timothy 3:1-7 (TNIV) -

1 Here is a trustworthy saying: Whoever aspires to be an overseer desires a noble task.2 Now the overseer is to be above reproach, faithful to his wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach,3 not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money.4 He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of full respect.5 (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?)6 He must not be a recent convert, or he may become conceited and fall under the same judgment as the devil.

7 He must also have a good reputation with outsiders, so that he will not fall into disgrace and into the devil’s trap.

My thoughts -

Paul lists here attributes that someone in leadership in the church should have. While I acknowledge that all may not be called to leadership and he doesn't seem to believe that all of these attributes are required of all believers isn't this list (minus the patriarchy - it assumes "male" for leadership whereas I obviously do not) something we could all aspire to?

Who doesn't want to be above reproach? I'm not saying I am. My motivations are not always pure and my actions are not always good. Even at my best I am still in need of periodic correction. At my worst I am a stubborn, obstinate, selfish, bull-headed jerk. I'm not saying I've arrived there but I definitely aspire to be above reproach.

Now for the rest of the list. Being maritally faithful is something I can do. I love my wife and cannot imagine betraying her. That said, I don't think most people enter into a marriage with the plan of adultery. Things happen. We must all be on guard for temptation. I've done some stupid, indefensible, inexplicable things in my life.

Temperate and self controlled are things that I'm working on. Let's just say that I'm not where I'd like to be right now. Blame it on my red hair. The same goes for "not violent but gentle" and "not quarrelsome". It's not like I go out and get into fist fights all the time. My altercations at this point are less with fists and more with thought and tongue. But I often let my temper get the best of me and allow it to take over causing me to do things that, when I'm not angry, I would never consider doing. But of course the true measure of our moral convictions is not in how we behave when everything goes well but in how we behave in adversity. When all goes well of course I'm fine but when things don't go my way and I start to get upset everything kind of snow balls on me and before I know it I've lost all control. By grace I'm getting better but I'm not who I want to be. Not yet at least.

I like to think that I'm respectable. I don't guess I'm the best person to ask about that, though. I also like to think I'm hospitable but I don't really host people. I like to share what I have but I also like my own space and stuff. There's a fine line there. I guess I'd like to think that I would be hospitable if the need ever rose but wouldn't be too eager for you to test me on that. Maybe I have more work to do than I think.

I like to think that I am able to teach. If I'm not it's not for a lack of trying. I used to teach guitar lessons for a living (well, it wasn't much of a living) and love to coach baseball. I can be very patient in instruction with pretty much anyone but my own children. The more I watch dads try to coach there kids the more I feel that none of us should. I'm not alone in setting up different expectations for my children than for other people's. But trying to look at this as objectively as possible I think I can say that I am a pretty good teacher. I'm also afraid that someone can correct me on that.

I am not given to drunkenness. I pretty much don't drink except for when we go to the beach. I don't like feeling out of control and so drinking, especially drinking to the point of being drunk, really doesn't happen. I'm not sure this can be counted as a virtue since the primary motivation for it is my being a control freak, which is something I don't really care for about myself.

I want to say that I am not a lover of money. I really want to say that and I really want it to be true but it can only be true in comparison to people who love money more than I do. If Jesus asked me to sell all that I have and give it to the poor in order to follow him I'm pretty sure I would decline. I don't like that. I want it not to be true. But I love my stuff. We all do. That's just a fact. I'm not trying to justify it. I struggle with it. But our culture teaches us to want new shiny stuff to make our lives better and more comfortable and as much as I fight it I am a product of this consumer driven culture. I don't love money, per se, but I do love spending it.

Now, do I manage my family well? I'm not sure I "manage" my family at all. My wife and I are equal partners. We don't do anything alone but all decisions are made together. Maybe I'm more a co-manager. For the most part my children obey us. We have tried to set firm, consistent rules with them and they have responded well to that. Of course they're still young. My oldest is about to turn eleven and is flirting with testing the boundaries of what he can get away with. I can't say that I'm excited about the prospect of having three teenagers in the house in a few years. Maybe we should revisit the family management issue then, if I've survived.

While I am not a recent convert (I grew up in the church and have been a follower of Christ since childhood) I can see where seeking a deeper relationship with God and being given more insight and more responsibilities can go to one's head. As I said yesterday for every step forward I take in faith I take two back in pride. As much as I'd like to think otherwise I can get pretty full of myself. Steve Taylor wrote a wonderful song called Smug which I am afraid describes me a little too well.

As far as my reputation goes I think I have a fairly good one. I also think that most people probably think this. We don't like to think that we don't do things well. I try not to dwell on my own faults too much. I'm not sure that my fragile ego could take it. But self examination is important. Just trying this morning to evaluate myself based on this list has been somewhat revealing.

While we may not all be called to leadership in the church we should all strive to follow Jesus more closely and take periodic inventory to see how we're doing. It's discouraging to find that I am not where I need to be right now but being perfected by grace through Christ is a process. I'm not where I'd like to be but I'm not where I was, either.