This man is my chosen instrument

Acts 9:1-21 (TNIV) -

1 Meanwhile, Saul was still breathing out murderous threats against the Lord’s disciples. He went to the high priest2 and asked him for letters to the synagogues in Damascus, so that if he found any there who belonged to the Way, whether men or women, he might take them as prisoners to Jerusalem.3 As he neared Damascus on his journey, suddenly a light from heaven flashed around him.

4 He fell to the ground and heard a voice say to him, “Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?”

5 “Who are you, Lord?” Saul asked.
“I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting,” he replied.

6 “Now get up and go into the city, and you will be told what you must do.”
7 The men traveling with Saul stood there speechless; they heard the sound but did not see anyone.8 Saul got up from the ground, but when he opened his eyes he could see nothing. So they led him by the hand into Damascus.

9 For three days he was blind, and did not eat or drink anything.

10 In Damascus there was a disciple named Ananias. The Lord called to him in a vision, “Ananias!”
“Yes, Lord,” he answered.
11 The Lord told him, “Go to the house of Judas on Straight Street and ask for a man from Tarsus named Saul, for he is praying.

12 In a vision he has seen a man named Ananias come and place his hands on him to restore his sight.”
13 “Lord,” Ananias answered, “I have heard many reports about this man and all the harm he has done to your people in Jerusalem.

14 And he has come here with authority from the chief priests to arrest all who call on your name.”
15 But the Lord said to Ananias, “Go! This man is my chosen instrument to proclaim my name to the Gentiles and their kings and to the people of Israel.

16 I will show him how much he must suffer for my name.”
17 Then Ananias went to the house and entered it. Placing his hands on Saul, he said, “Brother Saul, the Lord—Jesus, who appeared to you on the road as you were coming here—has sent me so that you may see again and be filled with the Holy Spirit.”18 Immediately, something like scales fell from Saul’s eyes, and he could see again. He got up and was baptized,

19 and after taking some food, he regained his strength.
Saul spent several days with the disciples in Damascus.20 At once he began to preach in the synagogues that Jesus is the Son of God.21 All those who heard him were astonished and asked, “Isn’t he the man who raised havoc in Jerusalem among those who call on this name? And hasn’t he come here to take them as prisoners to the chief priests?”

My thoughts -

I love Amazing Grace. I love the line that "I once was blind but now I see". It's a wonderful metaphor for a conversion experience. I WAS once Spiritually blind. I can now see, or at least see a little better. I'm sure I still need corrective lenses here in this metaphor. For me at least the restoration of sight is a process, not an immediate healing as it were.

It just so happens that Saul was also metaphorically blind. To help him see that Saul received a physical blinding. Personally I have always lamented that I never had any kind of compelling conversion story to tell. Mine's pretty boring. I grew up in the church. I've always believed as best I can recall. At various points in my life I have decided to make a deeper personal commitment to discovering and doing God's will in my life.

Sure, I've been blind to the call of God and to the suffering of others due to my own narcissism, but correcting that hasn't really yielded any cool stories, you know? Nothing like "Jesus physically blinded my while I was traveling to arrest and execute his followers and then I was healed and went on to become one of the most important figures in all of Christianity". Now THAT'S a conversion! Mine? Meh.

Anyway, if given the choice, if I am honest with myself, I think I prefer the boring story. I don't think I'd like to be blinded and I am absolutely convinced I wouldn't like to have the kind of pride that leads to killing those who do not share your faith. That's no way to live.

Also, if I am honest with myself, I still DO have a long way left to go in my faith. I could never do what Ananias did here. This man KILLED Stephen. He's on his way to round up believers. Believers like Ananias. And now Ananias is asked to GO TO HIM. And heal him. And help him. I'm sorry. There's no way I'm doing that. Not in a million years.

Sure Ananias questioned God's judgement a bit here. But he did it. And look what happened! We got the Apostle Paul out of the deal!

Maybe I should spend less time questioning i my own life and more time doing what I know I ought to. I'm sure there will be some interesting stories come out of that.