I'm not ready to do that

I'm pretty happy with my level of fitness right now. I've been a runner since October. I have been getting up as early as 4am several days a week now and have been getting at least an hour of pretty good exercise 5 days a week. I have lost 40lbs and 5 inches on my waist since I started. I've recently started biking some and running a little less. My knees, ankles, and feet have thanked me for that. The point here is that I've come a long, long ways and there's a lot that I'm happy with.

But when I look down I still see a little bit of a gut. Obviously it's gotten a lot smaller. If I'm wearing a shirt you pretty much can't notice it at all. But it is there. I notice it. It bugs me.

There are people my age who don't have one, so I can't blame it on age, really. I understand metabolism has something to do with it but there are people I know who were bigger than I was who have lost more so clearly it can be done, but how?

So I do some reading and I talk to people and I get my answer. I can do more. I can do a better job of dieting. I can do more exercise. I can do some workouts that can take care of that issue if I choose. It can be done.

And yet, for as trim and fit as I've gotten, I just don't think I'm ready for that. It's hard work. It takes discipline. Maybe what's "wrong" with me isn't that big of a deal, after all. And then it hits me. Isn't this a good metaphor for our spiritual lives?

I try to follow God. I try to read scripture, pray, and try to understand more about God and the universe every day. It's a process, though. There are roadblocks in it. Have I come a long ways? Sure. Can I do more? Absolutely. Am I prepared to?

See, I don't know. Do I need to go back to school? I know I do. Do I need to look into going to seminary? I've felt and ignored that call my entire life. There's so much work involved. It's hard. Sure, I don't find a lot of fulfillment in the various jobs I've had to feed my family over the years. Sure, it's always felt that I have a different purpose I need to pursue. But I can't. You know, not now. I'm not ready. Maybe what's bothering me on an existential level is really something I can live with. I'm just not ready to do that.

Not now.