Morning reading

John 12:37-43 (TNIV) -

37 Even after Jesus had performed so many signs in their presence, they still would not believe in him. 38 This was to fulfill the word of Isaiah the prophet:

"Lord, who has believed our message

and to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?"

39 For this reason they could not believe, because, as Isaiah says elsewhere:

40 "He has blinded their eyes

and hardened their hearts,

so they can neither see with their eyes,

nor understand with their hearts,

nor turn—and I would heal them."

41 Isaiah said this because he saw Jesus' glory and spoke about him.

42 Yet at the same time many even among the leaders believed in him. But because of the Pharisees they would not openly acknowledge their faith for fear they would be put out of the synagogue; 43 for they loved human glory more than the glory of God.

My thoughts -

The idea of God blinding us and hardening our hearts is something that I just can't deal with. I don't understand and it, frankly, scares the hell out of me. I will leave it to far wiser people than I to make that make sense in some way that doesn't mean we are all potentially screwed by an arbitrary decision by God to not allow us to know and follow God's will. I can't do it.

What I can do is identify with verses 42 and 43. I am tempted to look down on those who love "human glory more than the glory of God" and yet I seem to constantly find myself rather disturbingly among their number. We all do. For as much as I would love to be able to claim that all I care about it doing God's will and I don't care what other people think about it that is just not true. I do care. I want to be affirmed. I want to be praised. I want a pat on the back. We would do almost anything to gain approval from the right people. I know I would.

So do we let the need for approval from others affect our ability to follow God? Of course we do. Hopefully we can realize when we do, repent, and learn how to not do it the next time. Life is a process. Following God is a process. You don't go from zero to perfect over night. I've got a lot more to work on. I've found myself to be hypocritical in another area in my life. Time to start fixing it.